That's my stapler - Personal
Monday, April 04, 2005
Mr. Mom
Today's blog is a diary of my weekend of being Mr. Mom with my two daughters (3 and 8 years old). Names and relevant details have been removed to protect the innocent - because I have a "memory like a sieve" and things didn't turn out as planned...

11:00 am
"By the way, we need cat food and bread - I made a list for you!"

"Yup, uh-huh. Yes dear. No dear. Of course dear" - the canned responses to my wife's last minute reminders when I'm not really listening. She's fussing and running around as she prepares for her first weekend away in a year.

5:00 pm So far so good. Cat, Plants, Kids - check. All alive. But my oldest has an earache from swimming this morning. I guess she can walk it off or watch TV until it goes away (where did she say that medicine was ?). The laundry is done - check. Well, okay - my wife did the washing machine load and I did remember to remove the lint from the dryer lint screen before I put the clothes into the dryer (At least I thought I removed the lint from the screen).

6:00 pm Dinner @ Dairy Queen. The kids find a new friend in the closed off area with the slides. The new friend's aunt and uncle remark how well the kids get along and what a saving grace this place is! They hope out loud that we live nearby...

7:30 pm Put the kids to bed. They appear tired, but my youngest wakes up crying a couple times later in the night - I figure it's probably because of the "mom's not home" nerves or I didn't sing "itsy bitsy spider" right (again).

Midnight Before I went to bed, I left out the Post AlphaBits(c) cereal, bowls and spoons - knowing that my kids will be up before 6 am...

Day 2 of my internment

6:15 am
I heard them in the kitchen. By the time I got up, had my shower and came out - they were almost done their cereal. But instead of milk, they mixed it with peanut butter!?

9:00 am Kids, Cat, Plants - crap! The cat ran out of food and started eating the plants (I forgot to check the list). Speaking of crap, the cat litter needs changing. I ask the eldest child to remind me later about it.

9:30 am We go to town for my morning coffee, the paper and if I remember - Cat food and bread (and a stick of butter?). I succumb to the pleading for treats @ the convenience store - and they agree that they can eat them later "if they behave." The older one picks the most sugar filled candy she can find. At least it'll be nice outside and they can run around.

By noon of day 2, I feel like the kids have driven me to the edge to where I've tripped over it and fell down the cliff... "Stop slamming your (bedroom) doors!" "Stop tying your sister to the post!" "Don't jump on the couch!" "Stop fighting over that!" ...

Rocks in my pocket....

Noon We go for a walk after they eat their Kraft Dinner(c) and treats/sugar. On the way my youngest lets me know that she has "rocks in her pockets!" I reply with "and you don't know what to do with them? 1" An oblivious 'whatever dad' look is returned... I later learned from her that "horses have ears like cats - they're triangles daddy and they can turn them towards the sound they hear!" Now I feel like Forest Gump with his son.

1:00 pm I move my miata from it's storage spot to the garage. I let the kids sit in it "for a while." ... "Don't slam the doors!" "Don't touch that..." I'm starting to sound like my dad when we used to play in his '68 Dodge Charger !? *sigh*

4:00 pm They're starting to fight more now, but my voice is holding out.

I let them do some painting for a while. Some turned out pretty neat - a folding craft idea to produce butterflies... except they set them down to dry on my papers with notes about my job interview for Monday afternoon. But they were being very creative!? *sigh*

You fed the baby chili? 2

5:00 pm
I burnt the grilled cheese sandwiches. That never happened before when I cooked them when my wife was home!? My wife phones and tells me that her mom may not be able to take the kids tonight after all... I try to explain to them why they may not go for a sleepover. (Their great-grandma had a stroke). We get into a discussion on how we don't live forever and "people get old." They start to ignore my explanation and go back to watching little house on the prairie.

6:30 pm
Received a call from Grandma and "they're home now - I could bring the kids over." We run around trying to make sure all the toys, pillows, rubber boots and stuffed toys are packed.

7:00 pm
Drop the kids off at the grandparents' house. My father-in-law says that his mom is "okay." They ask how it's going. I sheepishly tell them about the peanut butter & cereal incident - but they have had supper. The licorice comes out (yeah, grandma!). The youngest lays down as soon as her bed is ready...

8:00 pm
Go home, watch TV, drink beer, and other stuff that guys do when left on their own that I won't discuss here (you women can keep guessing, unless you have a nanny-cam or NetNanny). I realize that the house is too quiet and I crank up the tunes...

You weren't listening.

7:15 am
Phone rings. I start to realize that it's really 8:15am and I didn't change the clocks last night. Grandma says that the youngest is wheezing a bit and she could use her ventilator/mask that vapourizes the steroid medicine for her asthma - she asks me if I could bring it over asap!? (Grandma has been through all of this when my wife was diagnosed with asthma at/near the same age as our youngest daughter).

9:00 am
Can't find the ventilator. Found the medicine and fanned out from there. I remember my wife mentioning that it was by the, the ... dang. Where's a hypnotist when you need one? Maybe I need to call a CSI 3 !?

9:30 am
Call Grandma with news that I can't find it. She offers to come over and look.

10:00 am
Got my coffee and paper from town - picked up Grandma and we look around the house for the ventilator. No luck. We both figure my daughter should be fine until mom comes home.

11:00 am
Drop Grandma off, say hi to the kids and then go back to my place to read the paper.

1:00 pm
Read/Send email with ex-coworker. We compare notes of our last day at the Dept of Energy (see previous posts).

2:00 pm
I start this blog after watching the NCAA basketball games recorded on my PVR from Saturday. I realized that I forgot most of the timeline for this blog (where does it go?).

3:00 pm
I hook up to see how much traffic this blog gets - just curious. I get 5 hits in the first 20 minutes. Huh ? It appears that most (today) are coming from the "next blog" link on the top right hand side on blogs. Interesting. Blogger probably put my blog near the top of a next (random) blog queue when I updated it. I'm such a geek...

4:00 pm
Time to go to Grandma's for dinner (roast beef!) and see if the kids are still alive.

4:10 pm
Realize the house is a mess. Did the dishes, swept the floor, made the bed, got the dry clothes out of the dryer, cleaned the TV room, cleaned up the beer cans, looked for the cat (!?), put the dishes away, watered the plants (the ones that still looked alive), picked up the kids' toys and logged off4 the computer to check voice mail...

5:00 pm
Went to grandma's and ate with the family after my wife arrived from her long day(s) away at the first aid (CPR) course.

8:00 pm Arrived home from Grandma's. We put kids to bed and I listened to the my wife's weekend and the obligatory verbal list of things I didn't do or did wrong... Ah, I do love her so - even when she's annoyed ...

1 The Monks - Bad Habits (1979)
Drugs In My Pocket (Hudson/Ford/Cassidy)

2 "You fed the baby chili?" : A classic line from the movie Mr. Mom with Michael Keaton.

3 CSI - Crime Scene Investigator from a TV show on CBS Network

4 I do not have high speed internet. There I admitted it! My geek license will probably be revoked soon.

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